Wedding Quotes & Jokes for wedding speeches
Published in August 20th, 2008
Wedding Toast, to the Bride and Groom
Happy marriages begin when we marry the one we love, and they blossom when we love the one we married.
Wedding Toast, to the Bride and Groom
My Greatest wish for the two of you is that through the years your love for each other will so deepen and grow, that years from now you will look back on this day, your wedding day, as the day you loved each other the least.
Wedding Toast, to the Bride and Groom
It don’t matter where you get your appetite, as long as you eat at home!
Wedding Toast, to the Bride and Groom
May the best day of your past be the worst day of your future.
Wedding Toast, From the Bride to the Groom or From the Groom to the Bride
Here’s to the prettiest, here’s to the wittiest, Here’s to the truest of all who are true, Here’s to the neatest one, here’s to the sweetest one, Here’s to them, all in one - here’s to you.
Wedding Toast, to the Groom
Here’s to the groom, a man who keeps his head though he loses his heart.
Wedding Toast, to the Bridesmaids
A thing of beauty is a joy forever. Here’s to these beautiful bridesmaids.
Wedding Toast, to the Bridesmaids
We admire them for their beauty, respect them for their intelligence, adore them for their virtues, and love them because we can’t help it.
Wedding Toast, to the Bride and Groom
Marriage: A community consisting of a master, a mistress, and two slaves - making in all, two.
Wedding Toast, to the Bride and Groom
May the roof above you never fall in and may you both never fall out.
Wedding Toast, to the Bride and Groom
To the lamp of love - may it burn brightest in the darkest hours and never flicker in the winds of trial.
Wedding Toast, to the Bride
May she share everything with her husband, including the housework.
Wedding Toast, to the Bride and Groom
May ‘for better or worse’ be far better than worse.
Wedding Toast, From the Groom to the Bride
She knows all about me and loves me just the same.
Wedding Toast, to the Bride and Groom
The man or woman you really love will never grow old to you. Through the wrinkles of time, through the bowed frame of years, You will always see the dear face and feel The warm heart union of your eternal love.
Wedding Toast, From the parents of the Bride and Groom
It is written: when children find true love, parents find true joy. Here’s to your joy and ours, from this day forward.
Wedding Toast, to the Bride and Groom
May you have many children and may they grow mature in taste and healthy in color and as sought after as the contents of the glass.
Wedding Toast, to the gathering
Let us toast the health of the bride; Let us toast the health of the groom, Let us toast the person that tied; Let us toast every guest in the room.
Wedding Toast, to the Bride and Groom
Look down you gods, and on this couple drop a blessed crown.
Wedding Toast, to the Bride and Groom
Remember that if you ever put your marital problems on the back burner they are sure to boil over.
by WeddingCentral.com.au
Wedding Jokes - Tasters
- With her marriage she got a new name and a dress.
- Ronnie Corbett: Do think marriage is a lottery?
Ronnie Barker: No. With a lottery you do have a slight chance. - Paying alimony is like feeding hay to a dead horse.
- Marriage is the chief cause of divorce.
Wedding Jokes - One liners by the famous
The best way to get most husbands to do something is to suggest that perhaps they’re too old to do it. (Ann Bancroft)
I think men who have a pierced ear are better prepared for marriage. They’ve experienced pain and bought jewellery. (Rita Rudner)
Keep your eyes wide open before the wedding, half shut afterwards. (Benjamin Franklin)
By all means marry; if you get a good wife, you’ll be happy. If you get a bad one, you’ll become a philosopher. (Socrates)
A husband is like a fire, he goes out when unattended. (Evan Esar)
My wife dresses to kill. She cooks the same way. (Henny Youngman)
My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met. (Rodney Dangerfield)
A good wife always forgives her husband when she’s wrong. (Milton Berle)
I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury. (George Burns)
I bought my wife a new car. She called and said, ‘There’s water in the carburettor’. I said, ‘Where’s the car?’ She said, ‘In the lake’. (Henny Youngman)
I love being married. It’s so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life. (Rita Rudner)
Never go to bed mad. Stay up and fight. (Phyllis Diller)
All marriages are mixed marriages. (Chantal Saperstein)
There’s only one way to have a happy marriage and as soon as I learn what it is I’ll get married again. (Clint Eastwood)
The secret of a happy marriage remains a secret. (Henny Youngman)
More clean one liners for your wedding speech
- At the cocktail party, one woman said to another, ‘Aren’t you wearing your wedding ring on the wrong finger?’ The other replied, ‘Yes, I am, I married the wrong man.’
- After a quarrel, a wife said to her husband, ‘You know, I was a fool when I married you.’ The husband replied, ‘Yes, dear, but I was in love and didn’t notice.’
- A man inserted an ‘ad’ in the classifieds: ‘Wife wanted’ . Next day he received a hundred letters. They all said the same thing: ‘You can have mine.’
- When a man steals your wife, there is no better revenge than to let him keep her.
- Marriage is the triumph of imagination over intelligence. Second marriage is the triumph of hope over experience.
- I married Miss Right. I just didn’t know her first name was Always.
- Losing a wife can be hard. In my case, it was almost impossible.
- I haven’t spoken to my wife in 18 months - I don’t like to interrupt her.
- Just think, if it weren’t for marriage, men would go through life thinking they had no faults at all.
- My girlfriend told me I should be more affectionate. So I got two girlfriends.
- A husband said to his wife, ‘No, I don’t hate your relatives. In fact, I like your mother-in-law better than I like mine.’
- A man meets a genie. The genie tells him he can have whatever he wants, provided that his mother-in-law gets double. The man thinks for a moment and then says, ‘OK, give me a million dollars and beat me half to death.’
- How do most men define marriage? A very expensive way to get your laundry done free.
- A man said his credit card was stolen but he decided not to report it because the thief was spending less than his wife did.
- The most effective way to remember your wife’s birthday is to forget it once.
Clean Short Stories Suitable for a Wedding Day Speech
Those wanting to be married
Father Henry was planning a wedding at the close of the morning service. After the benediction Father Henry had planned to call the couple down to be married for a brief ceremony before the congregation. For the life of him, he couldn’t think of the names of those who were to be married.
‘Will those wanting to get married please come to the front?’ Father Henry requested.
Immediately; nine single ladies, three widows, four widowers, and six single men stepped to the front.
Best Man
A groom chose his pet dog as the best man for his wedding reports the Metro. Paul Nock told his new wife Kelly years ago that he wanted Scooby by his side on their big day. The health and safety training organiser, from Hull, said, ‘I was away working in Dubai when the wedding arrangements were made and didn’t think she would let it happen. But when we got into the register office I turned round and there he was walking up the aisle, with the rings tied around his neck.’ The 27-year-old bride added: ‘It was a wonderful surprise.’
Wedding present - kindly sent in by JC.
I would like to thank you all for coming here today to celebrate my daughter’s wedding. Just for your information the seating arrangement has been specially organised with all of the people that bought large presents being placed towards the front and those that bought cheaper smaller presents at the back. (Pause)
There is a special thanks for uncle Fred who is at the back for the oven glove. (Pause)
The bride would like to ask uncle Fred if she could have the other glove for their Silver Wedding Anniversary. 
What kind of wedding do you want, my love?
‘I dreamed of a wedding of elaborate elegance,
A church filled with family and friends.
I asked him what kind of a wedding he wished for,
He said one that would make me his wife.’ Anonymous 
Wedding Toasts
If you are making a wedding toast, here are ideas to get your creative juices flowing. In fact, if you don’t have to make a wedding toast then you can really let your imagination run wild.
- To love someone deeply gives you strength. Being loved by someone deeply gives you courage - Lao Tzu
- Love does not consist in gazing at each other, but in looking outward together in the same direction - Antoine de Saint-Exupery
- Love is friendship set to music - Anonymous
- They do not love that do not show their love - William Shakespeare
- Love is life - Leo Tolstoy
- Love is a canvas furnished by nature and embroidered by imagination - Voltaire
- May your love be like the misty rain, gentle coming in but flooding the river - Traditional African proverb
- Insomuch as love grows in you, so beauty grows. For love is the beauty of the soul - St. Augustine
- Marriage is like a golden ring in a chain, whose beginning is a glance and whose ending is eternity - Kahlil Gibran
- We never live so intensely as when we love strongly. We never realize ourselves so vividly as when we are in full glow of love for others - Walter Rauschenbusch
- Whatever our souls are made of, his and mine are the same - Emily Bronte
- There is only one happiness in life, to love and be loved - Georges Sand
- Without love, the world itself would not survive - Lope de Vega
- When love reigns, the impossible may be attained - Indian proverb
6 Million Dollar Question
Married for many years, Paul had been ignored by his wife, Liz, for some days, so eventually he confronted her with what he perceived as the problem.
‘Come on Liz, admit it,’ he ranted, ‘You only married me because my granddad left me $6 million, didn’t you?’
‘You really are silly, Paul,’ retorted Liz loudly, ‘I couldn’t care less who left it to you.’
How well do you know your partner ask Will and Guy?
Relationships can be very puzzling as we all know. Take celibacy, for example; this can be a choice, or a condition imposed by environmental factors.
While attending a special Marriage Awareness Weekend in Doncaster, Yorkshire, England, Nicky and Victoria listened to the facilitator intone, ‘It is so very important that husbands and wives know the things that are important to each other.’
He turned to the men and asked, ‘Can you each name your wife’s favourite flower?’
Nicky leaned over, touched Victoria’s arm gently and whispered, ‘Self raising, isn’t it?’
Thus began Nicky’s life of celibacy.
Bad Hair Day
On the wedding day, everything went well. Nevertheless, Luke thought that everyone must have seen his toupee. Next day, his youngest daughter sees his worried look and says, ‘What’s the matter, daddy? Why are you looking so down in the mouth so?’
‘I’m not really sad, darling,’ Luke replies, ‘it’s just that I’m sure everyone yesterday saw that I was wearing a wig.’
‘No they didn’t, daddy,’ she answers, ‘No one I told knew.’
Care for your Mother-in-law
A man, his wife and his mother-in-law went on vacation to the Holy Land. While they were there, the mother-in-law passed away.
The undertaker told them, ‘You can have her shipped home for £5,000, or you can bury her here in the Holy Land for £150.’
The man thought about it and told him he would just have her shipped home.
The undertaker asked, ‘Why would you spend £5,000 to ship your mother-in-law home, when it would be wonderful to have her buried here and spend only £150?’
The man replied, ‘a man died here 2,000 years ago, was buried here, and three days later he rose from the dead. I just can’t take that chance.’
Mother-in-law joke
Harry was travelling down a country road in his native Yorkshire, England when he saw a large group of people outside a farmhouse.
It was a cold January afternoon, so he stopped and asked Farmer Giles why such a large crowd of men was gathered there.
The farmer replied, ‘Eddie’s donkey kicked his mother-in-law and she died.’
‘Well, ‘replied the man, ‘She must have had a lot of friends.’
‘Nope, ’said Giles.’ We all just want to buy his donkey.’
Another Mother-in-Law Joke
In the morning the day after I was married, the phone rang. ‘Reverse charges call from Jackie’, said the operator’. ‘Will you accept the charges?’
I couldn’t think of anyone that I knew who was called Jackie; so I said no and put down the phone.
A moment later, the phone rang again. ‘Hi, Margaret
Traditionally when planning a wedding, who pays for what?
When planning a wedding, one soon realises that no matter how you look at it, it could cost you a tidy sum. We have been collecting data from our brides over the past seven years and it never ceases to amaze us how much can be spent on a wedding. Some couples choose to have casual intimate affairs and have spent as little as $1,000.00, whilst others opt for something a little more grand and opulent and have spent as much as $80,000.00. However, no matter what your budget, we all would like to know who pays for what.
We have put together a list, by category, of the key items involved in organising a wedding. Alongside we indicate ‘traditionally’ who has been responsible for these items, bearing in mind that not everyone sticks to tradition.
| Category Beauty Bride’s Hair ………………………………….. Bride’s Makeup …………………………….. Bridesmaid’s Hair & Make-up …………….Bridal Party Bridesmaids’ Dresses & Accessories ……. Flower girl’s Dresses & Accessories ……… Groomsmen’s Suits & Accessories ………. Pageboy Suit & Accessories ………………. Bride’s Attire Ceremony Flowers & Decoration Gifts Groom’s Attire Honeymoon & Travel Misc Wedding Photography & Videography Wedding Reception Wedding Rings Wedding Stationery Wedding Cars Wedding Planning |
Traditionally, Who Pays Bride Bride Bride Attendant Bride Attendant Groom Bride’s family Bride’s family Bride’s family Groom Groom Groom Groom Groom Groom’s family Groom’s family Groom’s family Groom’s family Groom’s family Bride’s family Bride Bride & Groom Groom Groom’s family Groom’s family Bride & Groom Groom Groom Bride & Groom Groom Bride & Groom Bride’s family Bride’s family Bride’s family Bride’s family Bride’s family Bride’s family Bride’s family Bride’s family Groom Bride Bride’s family Bride’s family Groom Bride & Groom |
Some of my favorites
Published in August 19th, 2008
Loren & Daniel
Published in August 15th, 2008
Hi Guys,
Here are just a few pics of your wedding day.
Enjoy!
Packing for Your Destination Wedding
Published in August 10th, 2008
by Paris Permenter and John Bigley
Home :: Articles :: Packing for your Destination Wedding Are you planning a destination wedding? Congratulations! Before you head off to your dream wedding and honeymoon, don’t forget the packing for the wedding itself. Much will depend on where you’re having your wedding and your own personal style. If you’re getting married in a formal wedding dress, be sure to carry it with you - don’t trust your dress to checked luggage. Most airplanes have coat closets and will allow travelers to hang garment bags. Check with your airline.Grooms should also carry the clothing needed for the ceremony. If you’re getting married in the Caribbean, you won’t find many tuxedo rental shops in the islands. It is easiest to bring clothes with you. We recently saw a panicked groom in the Bahamas wearing a tuxedo shirt, coat, cummerbund -and a pair of jeans. The stressed-out groom was racing for the lobby door to meet a clothier who had located a pair of tuxedo pants after the groom’s were lost in his luggage. Don’t let this happen to you!
Also, carry all original documents–including birth certificates and divorce papers, if applicable–in your hand luggage. Don’t pack these in checked luggage!
Many resorts have on-site beauty salons, so you can make sure your hair is perfect for your wedding day. (If you plan to do your own hair, be sure to check first on the electrical current and plugs at your destination. You may need to bring converters for hot rollers and other appliances.) Many resorts also have on-site spas which can pamper the two of you with a massage to work out the kinks from your flight.
For the wedding, you’ll want to pack some of these items, depending on your plans:
- wedding dress
- special hosiery or undergarments
- shoes (if you’re planning a tropical wedding, remember that high temperatures and humidity, coupled with a long flight, can make feet puffy)
- guest book
- wedding rings
- groom’s tux or suit
- groom’s shoes
- address book
- thank you cards if you’d like to write them on the way home
- special decorations, wedding music
Husband and wife team Paris Permenter and John Bigley have authored over 20 guidebooks and also edit the FREE Lovetripper.com, a romantic travel magazine featuring worldwide destinations.Copyright 2001 Paris Permenter and John Bigley.
Your wedding ceremony can be held just about anywhere you would like – and many couples opt for the great outdoors, either at the beach, on a river bank, in a park, vineyard, or garden, or on the sparkling waters of a harbour for an unforgettable wedding cruise. Be creative with the location. This is a once in a lifetime event and you should choose a venue that is beautiful and meaningful to you both. Here in Australia we are truly blessed with the variety of outdoor locations that are perfect for weddings. Some brides and grooms enjoy the freedom of a beach wedding, while other water lovers opt for a specially chartered cruise vessel.
If you prefer to have your feet on terra firma, consider the romance of a beautiful country garden, an orchard, a vineyard, or a magnificent botanical garden. Depending upon the time of year, you could exchange your vows surrounded by lush greenery, the delicate pink and white of spring blossoms, or autumn’s vibrant reds and golds.
When planning any outdoor wedding, there are a few logistics to consider. For example, you will need to select a spot that is reasonably easy to access, particularly if you have very young children or older relatives among your guests. You should also discuss your plans with your marriage celebrant, as well as with your photographer, videographer and the musicians you have hired to play at the ceremony so that they can make any special arrangements that may be necessary.
Parking is another factor that shouldn’t be overlooked. Is there adequate parking within easy walking distance to the spot you’ve chosen? If not (and you have your heart set on this particular location) you may be able to arrange for your guests to gather somewhere close by and hop on a bus that you’ve hired to transport them to and from the wedding. This could add a fun ‘mystery tour’ element to the day – but allow plenty of time for this manoeuvre to be carried out successfully!
If your chosen wedding venue is a public space, you may need to obtain permission for its use from the relevant authorities. And no matter what location you choose, be sure to give your guests clear directions on how to get there, as well as advice on suitable dress and footwear.
Are both your wedding and reception to take place at the same location? Then you’ll probably need to investigate the hire of a marquee for your reception. A marquee is a flexible and creative option. They can be erected just about anywhere (as long as you have permission) and can be decorated anyway you choose. However, if there are no kitchens nearby you’ll need to hire a fully equipped caterer’s tent and possibly a generator, as well as arranging for access to fresh water. Discuss this with your caterers, who may be able to give you some useful advice.
Finally, while an outdoor wedding can be a wonderfully romantic and relaxed celebration, always choose an alternative indoor venue as back up in case of bad weather. 
